Why do people fall for the same type over and over

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My cautions and advice to people to not make assumptions, to do massive research on all issues, to remember that recovery is as INDIVIDUAL as each person is, and to not bypass a medical care provider remains and stands as MY OPINION, an ALTERNATE opinion. We need to be fully aware of not only our needs, but how to meet them. I was advised to check his phone bill where I was shocked to see that literally every phone call that came in and went out was to his mistress.

Seems to be too many holes and some type of game you like to play. And who knows, probably many others.

Why do people fall for the same type over and over

I recently broke up with my ex of 4 years. The abuse was escalating and I had to get out of there. He has chocked me a few times not to the point of passing out, done lots of damage to things and my home, he somewhat kept me from my friends, he always blamed me for everything, and controlled who I talked to via phone or internet. He also has a big drug addiction. He was caring, loving, showed his emotions; made sure I had what I needed. But, as soon as he leaves a message I am listening to it. I also check his emails periodically to see what he is up to and possibly how he is doing. I never do call him or answer his calls. So, even though I know he is bad for me I still want, love and care for him. What is wrong with me? Why and how can I feel such conflicting ways about 1 person? It can be difficult to understand emotions and feelings. You want your ex, even though he has harmed you. One potential reason is that you are lonely. For some people, being in an unhealthy relationship is better than having no relationship at all. There are obvious problems with being in an unhealthy relationship, especially with someone who is physically abusive. In addition, remaining in an unhealthy or unfulfilling relationship may stifle your personal growth and development and significantly decrease the probability of meeting someone better suited to you. Another reason why someone may be willing to tolerate an unhealthy relationship is that they do not feel deserving of a more suitable mate. This is often due to low self-esteem. If someone does not have a high opinion of themselves then he or she may be willing to tolerate inappropriate treatment from others. Perhaps when you think about him, you are remembering positive aspects of the relationship. He may possess good qualities but do not lose track of reality. Let me put your situation in perspective. You were involved in a domestic violence relationship and are considering going back. It took great courage to leave the relationship. At this point, even though there is a strong desire to see your abusive ex, you have resisted the urge to contact him. This is very encouraging. It is imperative that you surround yourself with supportive people to prevent returning to the relationship. It is best to surround yourself with supportive friends and family, join a support group or to do whatever it takes to remain free of your ex. Domestic violence is very, very serious. Statistics show that, on average, three women and one man are murdered by their significant others in the United States each day. I do not mean to be an alarmist but it is very important that you are cognizant of the dangers of domestic violence. If an individual has harmed you in the past, it significantly increases the likelihood that he or she will harm you again. Past violence is the most accurate predictor of future violence. Your ex has a proven track record of violence; he harmed both you and your property and he may do it again. I would advise you not to overlook or minimize his behavior. His drug addiction is also a problem for the relationship. Individuals who are addicted to drugs and alcohol are not ideal relationship partners. They often choose the drug over the relationship, or so it seems to the significant other. Until an addict stops using drugs and alcohol and seeks treatment, it will be very difficult for him or her to engage in a healthy relationship. It is a risk factor for violence. You deserve to be with someone who does not and who will not harm you, physically or psychologically. You should require and only be accepting of a partner who treats you with respect, dignity, kindness, and compassion. If you continue to struggle with this issue, I would suggest seeing a therapist. He or she could help you to analyze why you continue to desire someone who has harmed you and if given the opportunity, would likely harm you again. Below are some resources that may be of assistance to you. I wish you well. The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-779-7233. Call this number for confidential and anonymous advice. Educate yourself about the dangers of domestic violence. Click the find help tab at the top of this page to locate a therapist in your community. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

What a scary thought. Being used for company to fend away her loneliness was still painful. It has taken me all these months and before to get my head screwed back on straight and see custodes as they truly were and are. Coping mechanism From a psychoanalytic lens, it can be argued that Stockholm syndrome arises strictly as a result of survival instincts. The purpose of your relationship will change from loving you to demeaning, degrading and exploiting you, confusing you, and solo your self-respect, self-worth, and self-esteem. Understand that some part of you is contributing to the behaviors. He was working so hard every day to accomplish his plan. It is imperative that you surround yourself with supportive people to prevent returning to the relationship. This elements letting go of self-critical thoughts about why you didn't leave or see the truth sooner, and why you didn't do a better job of protecting yourself.